WHERE PSYCHOLOANALYSTS FAIL MISERABLY
The combination of these two elements – enchantment and surrender – is, then, essential to the love which we shall be discussing. . . . What exists in love is surrender due to enchantment. Such are the ingredients that lead to perfect love and affection.
Whatever is done from love always occurs beyond good and evil. –Friedrich Nietsche
The disaffection, neurosis, anguish and frustration encountered by psychoanalysis comes no doubt from being unable to love or to be loved, from being unable to give or take pleasure, but the radical disenchantment comes from artful affection and its failure.
Only those who lie completely outside seduction are ill, even if they remain fully capable of loving and making love. Psychoanalysis believes it treats the disorder of sex and desire, but in reality it is dealing with the disorders of seduction. . . . The most serious deficiencies always concern charm and not pleasure, enchantment and not some vital or sexual satisfaction.
Once lovers (the seeker of love) have penetrated the mind, making the beloved fantasize about them, it is easy to lower resistance and create physical surrender. Skilled lovers do not improvise; they do not leave this process to chance. Like any good general, they plan and strategize, aiming at the beloved’s particular weaknesses.
The main obstacle to becoming a skilled lover is this foolish prejudice we have of seeing love and romance as some kind of sacred, magical realm where things just fall into place, if they are meant to. This might seem romantic and quaint, but it is really just a cover for our laziness. What will seduce a person is the effort we expend on their behalf, showing how much we care, how much they are worth. Leaving things to chance is a recipe for disaster, and reveals that we do not take love and romance very seriously. It was the effort Casanova expended, the artfulness he applied to each affair that made him so devilishly seductive. Falling in love is a matter not of magic but of psychology. Once you understand your target’s psychology, and strategize to suit it, you will be better able to cast a “magical” spell. A seducer sees love not as sacred but as warfare, where all is fair. Skilled lovers are never self-absorbed. Their gaze is directed outward, not inward.