​Husbands: The bitter half

JOKES CONCERNING NONWORKING AND/OR EPHEMERAL MARRIAGES
She married him to reform him, and then found that the rites didn’t right him and the altar didn’t alter him.

It’s not at all true that everyone has a sane spot somewhere wait till you meet him.

She’ll never forget the first time they met, but she’s trying hard.

She must have had a real open mind to fall in love with him a big hole in the head.

They were married for better or for worse. He couldn’t have done better and she couldn’t have done worse.

Whoever said women can’t take a joke evidently hasn’t seen the specimen she married.

It was love at first sight. She should have wiped her glasses for a good second look.

It must have been love at first sight. If she had taken a second look, she’d have turned and run.

Their marriage is like baking bread. She’s got plenty of dough and he’s got plenty of crust.

He married her for her money, and he’s giving her everything her money can buy.

He boasts that he never made a mistake-but he has a wife who did.

She says he doesn’t carry life insurance, just fire insurance he knows where he’s going.

When she accuses him of being a cross, grouchy, iII-mannered brute, he wheedles, “Look, honey, you know no man’s perfect.”

“You say you loved me,” she tells him. “If you really did, why didn’t you marry someone else?”

He hates to see a woman in cheap clothes-unless, of course, she’s his wife.

When he saw the twins for the first time, he insisted that one looked like the milkman and the other like the plumber.

He threatens to divorce her because she said she loved him more than anybody else in the world; that proved to him she was experimenting.

She keeps saying, “Tell me again what a good married life we’re having—I keep forgetting.”

He’s supporting her in the manner to which she was accustomed—he’s letting her keep her job.

He called her his cute little dish-now she’s his cute little dishwasher.

A fortuneteller told her she’d be a widow soon-that her husband would die by poisoning-and she asked, “Will I be acquitted?”

—Compiled by Safian Louis A.

2 thoughts on “​Husbands: The bitter half

  1. See….this is what happens when you let love only cloud your vision of your beloved. ALWAYS wait and watch your intended for one full turning of the seasons, during which almost everything good and bad will happen. Then you get to see how your beloved intends to conduct him- or herself…and whether or not he or she is worth killing with love alone!

    Liked by 1 person

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