​The ‘Busy’ Trap

If you live in the 21st century you’ve probably had to listen to a lot of people tell you how busy they are. It’s become the default response when you ask anyone how they’re doing: “Busy!” “So busy.” “Crazy busy.” It is, pretty obviously, a boast disguised as a complaint. And the stock response is a kind of congratulation: “That’s a good problem to have,” or “Better than the opposite.”
It’s not as if any of us wants to live like this; it’s something we collectively force one another to do. Notice it isn’t generally people pulling back-to-back shifts in the I.C.U. or commuting by bus to three minimum-wage jobs  who tell you how busy they are; what those people are is not busy but tired. Exhausted. Dead on their feet. It’s almost always people whose lamented busyness is purely self-imposed: work and obligations they’ve taken on voluntarily, classes and activities they’ve “encouraged” their kids to participate in. They’re busy because of their own ambition or drive or anxiety, because they’re addicted to busyness and dread what they might have to face in its absence.

Almost everyone I know is busy. They feel anxious and guilty when they aren’t either working or doing something to promote their work. They schedule in time with friends the way students with 4.0 G.P.A.’s  make sure to sign up for community service because it looks good on their college applications. I recently wrote a friend to ask if he wanted to do something this week, and he answered that he didn’t have a lot of time but if something was going on to let him know and maybe he could ditch work for a few hours. I wanted to clarify that my question had not been a preliminary heads-up to some future invitation; this was the invitation. But his busyness was like some vast churning noise through which he was shouting out at me, and I gave up trying to shout back over it.

Even children are busy now, scheduled down to the half-hour with classes and extracurricular activities. They come home at the end of the day as tired as grown-ups. I was a member of the latchkey generation and had three hours of totally unstructured, largely unsupervised time every afternoon, time I used to do everything from surfing the World Book Encyclopedia to making animated films to getting together with friends in the woods to chuck dirt clods directly into one another’s eyes, all of which provided me with important skills and insights that remain valuable to this day. Those free hours became the model for how I wanted to live the rest of my life.

The present hysteria is not a necessary or inevitable condition of life; it’s something we’ve chosen, if only by our acquiescence to it. Not long ago I  Skyped with a friend who was driven out of the city by high rent and now has an artist’s residency in a small town in the south of France. She described herself as happy and relaxed for the first time in years. She still gets her work done, but it doesn’t consume her entire day and brain. She says it feels like college — she has a big circle of friends who all go out to the cafe together every night. She has a boyfriend again. (She once ruefully summarized dating in New York: “Everyone’s too busy and everyone thinks they can do better.”) What she had mistakenly assumed was her personality — driven, cranky, anxious and sad — turned out to be a deformative effect of her environment. It’s not as if any of us wants to live like this, any more than any one person wants to be part of a traffic jam or stadium trampling or the hierarchy of cruelty in high school — it’s something we collectively force one another to do.

Our frantic days are really just a hedge against emptiness. Busyness serves as a kind of existential reassurance, a hedge against emptiness; obviously your life cannot possibly be silly or trivial or meaningless if you are so busy, completely booked, in demand every hour of the day.

“The goal of the future is full unemployment, so we can play. That’s why we have to destroy the present politico-economic system.” This may sound like the pronouncement of some bong-smoking anarchist, but it was actually Arthur C. Clarke, who found time between scuba diving and pinball games to write “Childhood’s End” and think up communications satellites. Ted Rall once wrote a column proposing that we divorce income from work and give each citizen a guaranteed paycheck, which sounds like the kind of lunatic notion that’ll be considered a basic human right in about a century, like abolition, universal suffrage and eight-hour workdays. The Puritans turned work into a virtue, evidently forgetting that God invented it as a punishment.

Perhaps the world would soon slide to ruin if everyone behaved as I do. But I would suggest that an ideal human life lies somewhere between my own defiant indolence and the rest of the world’s endless frenetic hustle. My role is just to be a bad influence, the kid standing outside the classroom window making faces at you at your desk, urging you to just this once make some excuse and get out of there, come outside and play. My own resolute idleness has mostly been a luxury rather than a virtue, but I did make a conscious decision, a long time ago, to choose time over money, since I’ve always understood that the best investment of my limited time on earth was to spend it with people I love. I suppose it’s possible I’ll lie on my deathbed regretting that I didn’t work harder and say everything I had to say, but I think what I’ll really wish is that I could have one more beer with one of my close friends, another long talk with Jackson, one last good hard laugh with John. Life is too short to be busy.

23 thoughts on “​The ‘Busy’ Trap

  1. This post is true on so many levels. Last year I received a lesson on how being busy can impact my health. It was scary as a result I had time to lay in bed and rethink what I am doing and why. Today, in this new year I have slowed down, dropped unnecessary events from my schedule and have gotten back to taking yoga. Don’t want to get that busy again.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Sometimes we just need to stop!…and look at the world around us. I work for a university academy…’its a busy job’, but I make myself go on walks, embrace the things around me, like trees, beautiful flowers, patterns and textures in the city walls where I work. My happy thoughts guide me to childhood adventures and where my poetry lives. I grew up with little money, but had the most amazing happy memories, love and helpful wisdom. I have learnt from that childhood place, that money and promotion, are not the all I thought it was, and often explain this to my driven students, who giggle at me, when I explain how I feel. I said to one the most important things in life are family, wellbeing, mental health, friends and fulfilment, he said… you missed money? I love reading your work. Peace and harmony 🙏🏻

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Great post. Everyone is busy but being busy doesnt have to be bad if we make time for some priorities like families and friends in our life. I admit though that we are a lot busier than ever but the world has been changing so much that nowadays e.g. women dont just look after children but also work and study. And for a working parent time is a struggle especially that many of us value personal growth as well. This is something what make us happier, more satisfied with life.

    I’ve posted something about being busy today. Please have a look if you would like to: https://mindset4progress.wordpress.com/2018/01/05/busier-than-ever-before/ 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Have you been spying on me? Much of this post spoke to me and I’m not even working for money. I retired so I could do things I wanted, such as write and garden. When you retire, people think you have time on your hands and ask you to volunteer for this, and that, and something else. I’ve a hard time saying no. Sometimes I threaten to go back to work so I can get some rest! I’ll try to follow your example and become indolent and a bad influence. That might just save me. =)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’ve learned a great deal about the art of just ‘being’ by observing the locals in other cultures where I’ve lived and worked–most notably SE Asia, the Middle East and now Latin America. My Thai and Omani friends always placed time with family and just hanging out above work duties. That kind of thinking may not always lead to the highest quality outcomes on an organizational level, but in my estimation it does allow people to live much happier lives and be less burdened by guilt and the trappings of materialism. Stress-related illnesses are almost unknown in those countries. Compare that to the number of Americans taking antidepressants, sleep aids and suffering from autoimmune diseases, and it seems clear we’re living our lives in a completely unnatural way. Perhaps we should be looking to the developing world for guidance on how to live happier and more fulfilling lives.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s